-Doctor, Doctor I’ve a split personality
-Well, you’d better both sit down then!
-Doctor, Doctor My little boy has just swallowed a roll of film!
-Hmmmm. Let’s hope nothing develops
-Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing double.
-Please sit on the couch.
-Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing an insect spinning around.
-Don’t worry, it’s just a bug that’s going around!
-Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses
-You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!
Doctor, Doctor you have to help me out!
Certainly, which way did you come in?
Doctor, Doctor what did the x-ray of my head show?
A woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, please take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What’s wrong with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there aren’t nothing wrong with your eyesight..”