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Once I Had Multiple Personalities.. Psychiatrist Jokes

A woman went to a psychiatrist and said to him. ‘I want to ask you about my husband. He thinks he’s a refrigerator.’
‘Well that’s nothing to worry about,’ said the psychiatrist. ‘I would say that’s quite a harmless obsession.’
‘Yes, but the thing is,’ said the woman, ‘he sleeps with his mouth open and the little light keeps me awake at night.’

 Multiple Personalities

Multiple Personalities



Dr._Jones, a young psychiatrist begins his practice in an office building. After several weeks, he realizes that the older man he usually sees in the elevator each morning and evening is Dr. Smith, also a psychiatrist. Finally, after a month or two of frequently sharing the elevator, Dr. Jones pulls his skewed tie, rakes his fingers through his disarrayed hair and approaches his colleague: “Dr. Smith,” he says. “Every day I step into this elevator in the evening, exhausted and frazzled by the gut-wrenching stories of my patients, and you appear as calm and cool as you do each morning. Tell me, tell me please how to do it? How do you maintain your equanimity after listening to the woes of your patients.” “My dear Dr. Jones,” replied the older man. “Who listens?”
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One psychiatrist meets another on the street. He says, “You’re fine, how am I?”.
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A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.
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Psychotics think 2+2 = 5.
Neurotics know its 4, but they worry about it.
Neurotics build castles in the sky.
Psychotics live in them.
Psychiatrists collect the rent.
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The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, “You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly.”
On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, “Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?”
“Yes,” the boy’s mother answered.
“And how is your son now?” the psychiatrist asked.
“Who cares?” the mother replied.
—————–

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but the bulb really has to want to change.
———————
When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session, “I’m not aware of your problem,” the doctor said. “So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning.”
“Of course.” replied the patient. “In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth…”
——————-

Psychiatrist to his nurse: “Just say we’re very busy. Don’t keep saying ‘It’s a madhouse.'”
——————–

Once I had multiple personalities, but now we are feeling well.

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